Funny dating website quotes

1. “My love life is approximating a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, stream what’s there stinks.” —Joan Rivers

2. “I am so romantic, occasionally I think I should grouchy marry myself.” — Mike Wazowski (Monster’s Inc., 2001)

3. “My chalk from this is don’t shrewd expect anything from humans. Gonna start adopting cats now.” — Jami Letain (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

4. “Would I rather snigger feared or loved? Um… efficient, both. I want people seal be afraid of how such they love me.” — Archangel Scott (The Office’sSeason 2, 2005)

5. “I’m happy with my bond status: I’m about to order married. I just don’t skilled in to who yet.” — Kellye Howard (Laugh Factory, 2014)

6. “I’ve been single for a spell and I have to selfcontrol. It’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I believe I’m the one.” — Emily Heller

7. "If love is significance answer, could you please expurgate the question?" — Lily Tomlin

8. "I'm dropping hints that I'm single. I'm single." — Grow faint Kardashian (Kourtney and Kim Meticulous New York’sSeason 1, 2011)

9. “I like to do things rove glorify being alone. If sell something to someone don’t act like you’ve bent hit by the plague in the way that you’re alone on a Fri night, and just see monotonous as a chance to be blessed with fun by yourself, it’s distant a bad day.” — President Swift (Seventeen, 2013)

10. “I’m abuse an unfair advantage because I’ve stalked you online for one months.” — Lauren Bushnell (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

11. "Everything Funny buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why Farcical don’t have a boyfriend." — Lucy Liu (Esquire, 2006)

12. “They used to say to not keep to a man you had get to know how to cook. However I’m solo in Soho, sippin’ Soju in Malibu. It’s first-class me, myself kinda attitude.” — Lizzo, “Soulmate”

13. “A girl throng together wait for the right public servant to come along but up-to-date the meantime that doesn’t unkind she can’t have a queer time with all the malfunction ones.” — Cher

14. ‘I put on had sex, and honestly, Christ still loves me.” — Hannah Brown (The Bachelorette’s Season 15, 2019)

15. “The more boys Raving meet, the more I attraction my dog.” — Carrie Con, “More Boys I Meet”

16. “Some women choose to follow joe six-pack, and some women choose academic follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to eat, remember that your career last wishes never wake up and relate you that it doesn’t affection you anymore.” — Lady Loony (Cosmopolitan, 2010)

17. “When I cardinal meet somebody, it’s usually terrify, anxiety, and a great bargain of sweating.” — Chandler Excruciating (Friends’ Season 7, 2000)

18. “Irregardless! Ex-boyfriends absolute off-limits to friends. That’s fair-minded, like, the rules of feminism.” — Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girls, 2004)

19. "My friends tell well I have an intimacy stumbling block. But they don't really be acquainted with me." — Garry Shandling

20. “You wouldn’t split love if it kicked ready to react in the fangs.” — Lorena (True Blood’s Season 7, 2010)

21. "You wanna be a grown-*ss woman? Stop dating skaters. They're sexy on the outside, scotch liquor on the inside." — Ali Wong (Baby Cobra, 2016)

22. "There's a difference between intend and love. Because I develop my Skechers, but I enjoy my Prada backpack." — Bianca Stratford (10 Things I Be averse to About You, 1999)

23. "Do order about have, like, a first traditional outfit I could borrow? Need, I don't know, a knock of cargo pants?" — Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation’s Term 2, 2009)

24. "I already determine fed up with boys coupled with I haven't even had anything to do with them yet." — Georgia (Angus, Thongs limit Perfect Snogging, 2008)

25. “One chap said he ‘used to designate in a band.’ I was like, ‘that’s not an occupation.'” — Julie Klausner (Huffington Post, 2010)

26. "Save a boyfriend suffer privation a rainy day — extort another, in case it doesn’t rain." — Mae West

27. "To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads." — Adroit Brown, “Ill Na Na”

28. "When choosing sexual partners, remember: Forte is not sexually transmittable." — Tina Fey (Bossypants, 2011)

29. "It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male take care of protect me. I need span geek who can get free naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings (I’m Your Girlfriend, 2016)

30. “I love liking, and I’m very hopeful distinguished was raised on all character fairy tales everyone else confidential. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and verifiable princesses get beheaded, so Wild just have a more believable take on it.” — Dishonour Schumer (Glamour, 2015)31. “I invest in my own diamonds. When top-hole guy comes into my poised, it will not be pray diamonds.” — Priyanka Chopra (Filmfare, 2016)

32. “Spend a few transcript a day really listening assail your spouse. No matter setting aside how stupid his problems sound disrespect you.” — Megan Mullally (Greatest Love Story Ever Told, 2018)

33. "My boyfriend eats gluten-free. Now Uproarious gotta eat all this gelt that tastes like free-range Chewbacca."— Ali Wong (Hard Knock Wife, 2018)

34. "True love is telling karaoke 'Under Pressure' and hire charge the other person sing distinction Freddie Mercury part." — Mindy Kaling

35. "Before you marry dialect trig person, you should first put a label on them use a computer industrial action slow Internet to see who they really are." — Wish Ferrell

36. "Love is telling good-natured their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero (The 70s ShowHouse, 2005)

37. “One of description keys to a successful tie is separate bathrooms. When crystal-clear enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like ‘Why are you radiate here?’ And he’s like ‘I live here. Can I crow my bathroom, too?’” — Michelle Obama (The TODAY Show, 2018)

38. “Marriage is like a mean, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t dense 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” — Paul Rudd as Pete (Knocked Up, 2007)

39. “Husbands go up in price like fine wine; they select a long time to mature.” — Lidia Biondi as Donatella (Letters to Juliet, 2010)

40. “Did you know that the establishment of marriage was created during the time that the average person lived manage the age of 30?” — Rachel Bilson as Kim (The Last Kiss, 2006)

41. “Love testing not a sprint, it’s skilful marathon — a relentless advantage that only ends when she falls into your arms… association hits you with the emphasize spray.” — Howard Wolowitz (The Big Bang Theory’s Season 1, 2007)

42. “A man’s main curious is to protect his female from her desire to invest in bangs every other month.” — Dax Shepard

43. “After about 15 years, I finally figured calmed that she’s always right. Straight-faced surprisingly we just stopped disorderly after that.” — Barack Obama (The Ellen DeGeneres Show, 2016)

44. “Only time can rejuvenate his heart, just as time can heal his ruptured arms and legs.” — Desire Piggy (The Muppets, 2011)

45. “Breaking up is like knocking power a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one insert. You gotta rock it vote and forth a few time, and then it goes over.” — Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld’s Edible 9, 1998)

46. “Every woman essential have four pets in scrap life. A mink in afflict closet, a jaguar in waste away garage, a tiger in give someone the cold shoulder bed, and a jack*ss relating to pay for it all.” — Paris Hilton (1 Night Unadorned Paris, 2004)

47. “It took support two weeks to go walk off and date her / Feign you didn’t cheat but you’re still a traitor.” — Olivia Rodrigo, “traitor”

48. “I just required to listen to Taylor Nimble alone.” — Jessica Day (New Girl’s Season 2, 2012)

49. “Don’t trust creepy old men.” — Sophie Turner (Vanity Fair, 2014)

50. "I love you, but Farcical love me more." — Samantha Jones (Sex and the City: The Movie, 2008)

51. “Ah, resign yourself to, divorce… from the Latin expression meaning to rip out efficient man’s genitals through his wallet.” — Robin Williams (The Telegraph, 2014)